Building Trust

Building mutual trusting relationships takes intentional thought and purposeful action on the part of the leader. It must start within the heart and mind of the leader if it is going to be real and spread to their team members. John Maxwell in his book, “Developing the Leader Within You” writes. “The leader must develop a trust with people. It is wonderful when the people believe the leader. It is more wonderful when the leader believes in the people. When both are a reality, trust is the result. The more people trust the leader, the more willing they will be to accept the leaders purposed changes.” (3) It has been said that trust is the glue that holds relationships together. That being the case, let me suggest three essential ways ministry leaders can build mutual trust between themselves and their people.

1. Trust God from the bottom of your heart.

Trust  God from the bottom of your heart ; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for  God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to  God! ….(Proverbs 3:5-7a MSG)

The ministry leader’s lifestyle must reflect a deep trust in God’s guidance and direction for their life. When the leader consistently follows God in trusting obedience, he shows himself trustworthy. The leader’s decisions consistently reflect wisdom, understanding and knowledge that can only come from a trusting daily walk with God. A deep heart felt capacity to trust God, obediently following his ways and doing the right thing reaps the lasting rewards of a credible reputation of honor and respect. “Reputation is human collateral, the security we pledge against the performance of our obligations as leaders, friends, colleagues, and constituents. It is what supports the natural human instinct to want to trust.” (4)

In addition to living from a wholehearted deep trusting relationship with the Lord the leader needs to communicate to his people the track God has designed for them to follow. To clearly communicate their number one contribution they believe God has called them to accomplish with their life and work is dramatic and powerful. People at once can see in a tangible way how trusting God turns into long term purposeful action. I recently shared with the people I work with my life contribution statement and the top three ways I will fulfill it. The passion I radiated when speaking about the things God has clearly called me to accomplish and the public commitment I made to seeing them through was exhilarating for everyone involved. Now more then ever, as I purposefully and intentionally live from my calling a new standard of trust has been presented.

When leaders reveal their deep hearts trust in God, they set the example of the deepest most profound type of trust available to mankind. The kind of trust that enables men to be confident (Ps 112:7 NLT), that brings unfailing love and joy into their life (Ps 32:10; 40:4 NLT), safety to their way (Prov. 25:29 NLT), and a over all steadfastness, honor and success to their life (Ps 112:7-9 NCV). When others see you the ministry leader as a trustworthy person, they will be more willing to engage in a trusting relationship with you and one another. Ministry leader – it starts with you!

2. Don’t Be Selfish – It’s not all about you.

Don’t be selfish ; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.  Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ,  who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God,  but laid aside his mighty power and glory, taking the disguise of a slave and becoming like men.  And he humbled himself even further, going so far as actually to die a criminal’s death on a cross. (Philippians 2:3-8 TLB)

One of the dangers ministry leaders face is the false sense of importance that comes from the popularity associated with those in the public eye. I’ve witnessed church leaders who begin to think that everything done, thought of, and decided upon revolves strictly around them. The contributions, thoughts and opinions made by those who serve under their leadership are virtually ignored. These ego driven ministry leaders see their people as pawns in the game of chess. They exist to be used and sacrificed so the leader can “win”. Certainly, this isn’t the spoken intention of many ministry leaders, but the pressure to succeed drives many to this point of leadership behavior. Trust is never the result of this kind of leadership approach. People know when they are being used by others selfish ends. So instead of trust being the central element of the leadership relationship, resentment becomes the dominating relationship influence. Resentment will ultimately sabotage the leader’s efforts and will gradually diminish the effectiveness of their role.

Jesus, the ultimate ministry leader had the answer to this way of leading. He said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28 NIV)

Jesus taught his disciples that leading in this way that honored God, honored and respected people, deepened relationships, and increased effectiveness.

Serving others is as Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges say in their book, Lead Like Jesus, a “lead like Jesus perspective”. This perspective acknowledges that “all those I seek to lead are made in God’s image and are the objects of His affection. He calls me to treat them as His special concern.” (5) With this kind of perspective for the people we serve by leading, we can be released from the old management /leadership paradigm that forced us to keep our relational distance and maintain authoritative control to one of personal connection, care, discovery, empowerment and release. The effect of this new way of leading is absolutely powerful in developing true meaningful heart felt devotion, loyalty and trust between the ministry leader and their team members. “Trust pours first from loving hearts committed to serve and support one another, through promises kept, to encouragement and appreciation expressed, through support and acceptance, to repentance and apologies accepted, to reconciliation and restoration.” (6)

The way to show your honest concern and care for those God has put under your ministry leadership is to learn about your people by listening to what they passionately talk about, and watch what they repeatedly do best, then seeking ways to help them achieve their life dreams and goals while fulfilling their responsibilities under your leadership.

First, listen to their dreams, goals and desires. If you pay attention and seek first to understand and then to be understood, you will hear them passionately speak about what means most to them. They will talk in terms of what they want out of life, ministry and from their family. These conversations are treasures. Handle them with care. This is sacred ground. You are being included in their God given dreams and life goals. Real effectiveness and trust building will come when you identify with them at a heart level and show honest appreciation for the work God is doing in their life.

Second, watch for their repeated successes. This is where you will discover their gifts, talents and strengths. Once you identified their strengths, affirm them with your people. Encourage them to develop these particular areas that give them the most joy and fulfillment. Then help them achieve their work from their strengths. Accomplishing this may take realignment of their responsibilities. Eliminating things they aren’t productive in for things that they excel at. Getting people on their best stuff may take a change in the ministry position. Do whatever you can to accommodate their strength and minimize their weaknesses. It is a sure fired way of helping them and you succeed. Once they know you want them to do and be their best, you will cultivate personal trust and loyalty.

This has proven to be one of the most rewarding aspects of my ministry leadership position. I’ve intentionally taken the time to meet informally one-on-one with each of the people who work with me to discuss their God given hopes, dreams, and desires. This has brought me closer to each team member in a fresh exciting way. If I were to consult any new ministry leader, this would be the number one thing I would tell them to do first. Get to know your people at a heart level before you do anything else. Once you build this kind of trusting relationship you are in a better position to move forward effectively.

Next, I “manage by walking around.” Like a coach on the side lines observing their work performance and personal interactions. It didn’t taken long before the obvious was exposed. Who was strong in team building, who was strong in personal relationships development, who was strong in leadership, who was creative, who was organized, who was a person of action. With this discovery under my belt, I am able to talk with each one in a way that connects with them. I encourage them to develop their strengths and promise to work with them in these areas so they can reach their God given dreams and goals. It’s worth me mentioning again, the time I’ve invested in these two practices has drawn me closer to my staff in a deeper more productive leadership relationship then anything else I’ve done. Our mutual one-on-one levels of trust are building and it is beginning to permeate the whole team, making us even more effective, satisfied and fulfilled in our individual callings and purposes for our lives. Without putting others first the mutual trust we are experiencing, personal and team empowerment would never happen. The same can be experienced by other ministry team leaders if they readjust their priorities and make their people number one.

3. Be Authentic – You’re Not Perfect

I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. (Romans 12:3 MNT)

There is an image of today’s ministry leader as one who is infallible. Has all the answers, possesses extraordinary insight and wisdom. They can handle any and every challenge, crises or problem that comes their way. These superman leaders have celestial wings, leaping over tall doctrinal battles in a single bound! Ministry leaders who succumb to this kind of leadership influence never show their weakness or the chink in their armor for fear of losing their leadership edge. This protective demeanor sets up walls of defensiveness and competition between team members. Slowly but surely team members relationally withdraw from the leader. Patrick Lencioni, in his excellent book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team outlines 8 characteristics of a team that is absent of trust because of the lack of authenticity or vulnerability. Members of a team with an absence of trust :

• Conceal their weaknesses from one another.
• Hesitate to ask for help or provide constructive feedback.
• Hesitate to offer help outside their own areas of responsibility.
• Jump to conclusions about the intentions and aptitudes of others without attempting to clarify them.
• Fail to recognize and tap into one another’s skills and experiences.
• Waste time and energy managing their behaviors for effect.
• Hold grudges.
• Dread meetings and find reasons to avoid spending time together. (7)

Ministry leaders who think by taking the strong perfectionist approach are portraying confidence and establishing a credible reputation are only “misrepresenting” themselves. The truth is, they aren’t perfect and everyone knows it but them.

Admittedly, coming to the realization that one is leading from a “know it all” position is a humbling experience. But as Paul said in Romans 12:3b…. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. The NIV says “think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” So, the way to build authenticity starts with the leader honestly assessing their strengths and weakness. The leader has to be brutally honest with themselves by admitting that they don’t always have the answers and, oh yes, admit to their mistakes. Let’s face it, if it wasn’t for what God has done for us through his grace, where we would be and what in the world would we be like?

This counterintuitive approach for the “know it all” ministry leader appears soft and weak. But as Patrick Lencioni discovered in his research, “As soft as all this might sound, it is only when team members are truly comfortable being exposed to one another that they begin to act without concern for protecting themselves. As a result they can focus their energy and attention completely on the job at hand, rather than on being strategically disingenuous or political with one another.” He continues, “The costs of failing to do this are great. Teams that lack trust waste inordinate amounts of time and energy managing their behaviors and interactions within the group.” (8) In addition in James Kouzes and Barry Posner research and resulting book The Leadership Challenge, they discovered that the number one trait people want from their leaders is honesty! (9) The people we lead deserve and want leaders who are honest, or put another way trustworthy.

Take a determined step away from the day to day action of ministry leadership. Spend time engaged in the deep thinking, prayer and reflection it takes to identify those weak and strong areas of your ministry leadership. Write them down. Be courageous and ask those you lead how well you are doing. You will find it very enlightening and helpful. I asked my leader, two of my colleagues and seven of my direct reports to fill out a Covey “7 Habits of Effective Managers” survey. The report they complied was helpful to me. Not only did it outline my areas of weakness it also highlighted my areas of strength. As a result, I have “come clean” with those I lead about my weak areas. I must say, it has been a tremendous relief as I’ve let down my guard and have begun to really live and lead from a position of authenticity. That place of authenticity is where God’s design for our lives and ministry leadership is found. It is a position of true ministry leadership, openness and profound trust. It make sense to let down our guard, and begin to be live and lead from our true self and thereby create the kind of authenticity that builds a trusting ministry team.

The Three Results of Trust

Unity, Loyalty and Synergy:

The trust that has developed between me and my team members has brought us together in a spirit of unity, loyalty and synergy. Our staff meetings are more open, honest and productive then ever. Because we no longer spend energy and time protecting our own egos the interaction we now experience is lively and truly energizing. New solutions to the “same old” problems are discussed in a spirit of synergy and camaraderie. We now seek the best alternate solution to problems instead of implementing individual team member’s personal agendas. Team loyalty has replaced the divisiveness, doubt and suspicion that once plagued us concerning each others thoughts and motives. Our new found trust in one another has truly propelled us to a new level of effectiveness. We are excited about the future together.

Yes, there will be challenges, problems and disagreements in the future. It would be unrealistic to think otherwise. But with the new found power, strength and perseverance we’ve found as a trusting ministry team, we will be able to endure and come out the other side honoring God and growing in faith, hope and love. We know the best is yet to come.

Steven Liparoto, Executive Pastor,

Calvary Bible Church

Endnotes

(1) For further discussion on the dynamics of the leadership relationship see Kouzes and Posner, Credibility (Jossey-Bass 2003), xiii-xv.

(2) Kouzes and Posner, The Leadership Challenge (Jossey-Bass Publishers-San Fransico 1987), pg 147.

(3) John C. Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You (Nelson Business-Nelson Publishing, 1993) pg 66.

(4) Kouzes and Posner, Credibility (Jossey-Bass 2003), pg 25.

(5) Phil Hodges developed a list of 10 “lead like Jesus perspectives” that give a more complete picture of servant l leadership. Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges, Lead Like Jesus (W Publishing Group 2005) pgs 23-24.

(6) Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges, Lead Like Jesus (W Publishing Group 2005) pg 25

(7) For a comparative list of the characteristics of a trusting team see Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, (Jossey-Bass 2002) pg 197

(8) Ilbd pg 196

(9) For a complete list of the top 20 desired leadership traits see James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner, The Leadership Challenge, (Jossey-Bass, San Fransico 1987) pg 17